Thursday, February 24, 2011

Starting Fresh

This weekend, I've decided to relax. Make a few changes. Just be completely... me.

I'm going to dye my hair, paint my nails, clean my room, finish up old homework, go shopping, read a book. I want to spend the weekend getting back to the old Molly. The one that isn't so stressed and worried all the time.

With the Children's Show and West Side Story rehearsals and performances taking up all my time, boy troubles, church callings, and the business at home... I think it's time to take a step back. The stress has gotten to me. This is one of those moments when you wish that you could go to the mountains or on a long drive by yourself for the weekend to just take in the sunshine and think things through.

Believe it or not, I like to be alone sometimes. At school and with my friends, I'm crazy. I love being social and talking to people. But once I step through the school gates to go home, sometimes I just want time to be by myself. Time to think and reflect. Time to see what I did wrong, or could have done differently. And also time to see what I did right.

But sometimes there isn't anything I can do... Except relax. And this is one of those times.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

For ME.

A lot of people see blogs as a way of communicating with family and friends, sharing their news, or telling people about their lives.... Not me. Well, I use it for those same reasons, but even more so as a way of organizing my thoughts. Most people just "write it out". However, I prefer to "BLOG it out". Probably due to the fact that I type sooo much faster than I write and it's easier to get my thoughts down quickly.

Have you ever been bored out of your mind? So, what do you do? Play a movie! And then, suddenly, you get really tired.... Why is that?! You were completely awake 5 minutes ago! And the movie really isn't that bad! WHY?!

It's research time....

We Need Each Other

If you know me, you'd know that I love lyrics. Here's a song that's been on my mind for a while now... "We Need Each Other" by Sanctus Real.

I think I caught a glimpse of life without friends.
Bitter, empty, hollow, dark and lonely.
We never meant to hurt each other, so can’t we trust again?
And take it as a chance to keep on growing.

I don’t know why it doesn’t come easy,
But I know that we could be happy
If we’d only learn to love.

We need each other,
So what’s the fighting for?
We need each other,
Please don’t close the door.
We need each other,
Through all the highs and lows.
We need each other,
‘Coz no one’s meant to live alone.

Life revolves around the need of having someone
Causing every complicated feeling and I don’t want to loose you
And there is nothing wrong with telling me what you need
To keep our love strong.

It’s just a part of being a family,
Taking the good with the bad and the ugly,
If we could only learn to love.

We need each other,
So what’s the fighting for?
We need each other,
Please don’t close the door.
We need each other,
Through all the highs and lows.
We need each other,
‘Coz I don’t want to be alone.

We need each other.
Fathers and Mothers.
We need each other.
All your sisters and brothers.
We need each other.
We need friends and lovers.
We need each other.

Well I need you, you need me
‘Coz that’s the way it’s meant to be.
I need you.
We need each other.
I don’t want to be alone.

Well I need you, you need me
‘Coz that’s the way it’s meant to be.
I need you.
We need each other.
I don’t want to be alone.

Thank you to all my friends. The friends I'll have to the end. The friends through thick and thin. The friends through troubles and celebrations. Thank you for being there for me. For teaching me. Helping me grow. Helping me learn about myself....
Words just can't express. But what I CAN say is... Thank you. And I will always be there for you.

Note to Self

Note to Self....

Everyone thinks differently. No one is going to be the exact same as you. You may communicate in a certain way, but just because you do, doesn't mean that someone else is going to understand you. When helping someone with a problem, remember that their experience is different than yours was. They're a different person with different emotions. Don't tell them what you always wanted to hear from your friends. Tell them what's best for THEM.

That is all.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010


I have a lot on my mind... But I'm not sure what I'm thinking. My mind's just... heavy? fuzzy? distracted? How am I supposed to unload it all if I don't even know what's going on in there? Maybe elves have taken over my brain and are- no. Let's not go into theories. Let's just accept that fact that my mind works in mysterious ways.

I have a feeling I'm going to be, or supposed to be, figuring something out about myself... Have you ever had that feeling? Like something is going to happen (not necessarily bad) but something that will make you think. Something that's going to help you see yourself better. Help you to know more about yourself. I don't know, maybe I'm crazy. Maybe I'm just having a headache and thinking about it a little too much. But you can never be to sure.

So much has happened this past month. I have my wonderful boyfriend and everything with him is just great. But at the same time, I've been arguing with my best friend about random nonsense that shouldn't mean anything. It could just be my girly mood swings getting to me.... But I don't know. People tell me that when you get into a relationship, things change. Your friendships. Your relationships with family. Your schoolwork. Everything. I refused to believe it at first, but now, I think I see where they were coming from. But, I don't feel like it's a bad change. It's a realistic change. One that might be needed. I don't think I'll really know until later. But, as of right now, I'm liking it....

I find that other people's relationship "drama" used to be interesting to me. I wanted to help them, hear their stories, soak in the emotion. But now that I'm in my own relationship, I hate to say it, but I don't want to hear about everyone else. I know, I know. That sounds really conceited. But now I have my OWN relationship to worry about. Not that there's anything to worry about at this point. I guess I don't really know what it is. I... I just don't want to hear about everybody else. This is a new experience for me. And so far it's been a wonderful one. It will definitely be a journey.

Maybe school is on my mind? But I don't think that's it. School isn't really ever on my mind. Especially while I'm on break. It's normally swept to the side and hidden underneath the carpet.

Although, this past week has been filled with thinking. And thinking about the future. College. Life. Marriage. Family. Friends. Mission. Church. Purpose. Career. There's so much to think about. I'm becoming a senior next year, and after that, college. I'm not ready! I don't even know what I want to major in or what I want to do with my life. I wish there was an easy button for all of this. I need a job and money. It's not going to pay for itself. I know it seems like it's far away... but I need to start preparing now.

I'm not exactly sure what's going through my head. But if you ever see me and I'm sitting there quietly, there's nothing wrong. I promise. I'm just thinking. About everything. Maybe you should do the same.

Just Blogging it Out

What do you do when it seems like there's nothing else? BLOG.
But what to write???

Well, I could start out by updating you on my life since I last posted. That last advice I asked about: I figured out what to do! I don't know why it was so hard for me either. After more months of sitting back and watching, I realized how much this was hurting me. Was I gonna let this one indecisive guy take control of my emotions like this? NO! So... it was as easy as walking up and saying, "What's going on? Cause I'm really confused right now." And it was solved the next day by this wonderful guy asking me out.
Now, how did he do it? That's a great question to ask. Let me fill you in. Guys out there? Take notes.

It began with a note. Yes, a note. Now, if you just saw this note you'd be thinking, "Really? This guy has no class whatsoever. He's gonna ask me out... through a note. Ew." But this was not just any note. It was a game, and the note was the instructions. WHOA! Alright, opening this note (and yes, jumping a little inside) I pulled out my instructions for the day.

I was required to open the first of many notes during my second period class. (And if you know me, you'd know that I'm an extremely impatient person.) But I overcame the struggle.... At the beginning was a rhyme, hinting me to someone holding the next note. Now, these were EXTREMELY clever. Not just clever. HILARIOUS! hints. And at the bottom of the note? There was a paragraph saying some of the things that he liked about me.

The last note I received hinted to go to Brad. So, gaining the courage to confront this suitor and finish the game, I went for it. Brad handed me a card and inside were three hearts: red, purple, and black. Of course each had a meaning. Red: Girlfriend. Purple: Just friends. Black: You want NOTHING to do with me. I almost gave him the black heart as a joke, but it wasn't found (where it went, hmm... that's still a mystery. He later told me he didn't put it in there because he didn't want me to pick that option. haha!) Of course I handed him the red heart and then, getting down on one knee, Brad asked "Dearest Molly of mine, will you be my girlfriend?" How could anyone resist THAT?! OF COURSE!

And thus, that day, September 8th, was the best day ever....

Friday, July 23, 2010

First Day of School

School was "blah". Nothing exciting happened, at all. I walked onto campus and it felt like I never left. All of that AP work kept me in the school mood. Everyone looked the same. And no one changed.

Seminary: wow...
Seminary was interesting. I enjoyed the first half sitting with Brad, Aaron, Megan, and Lisa. The Bishops came and made us breakfast. That was fun conversation! :) But then we split into classes... I'm going back to my regular class. And they all hate me. I didn't get the nicest looks as I walked in the door. I sat in the back of the room. And I STILL managed to get a pencil thrown at me. Yeah, fun times. I hate that class. It probably didn't help that I volunteered to give the devotional on Monday.... Our teacher is amazing though and I know that she'll teach me so much.

First Period: AP Language
Best class. Mr. Carrier is an awesome teacher and I can tell that he likes the topic of English. He's really involved with his students and wants them to succeed. He's easy to understand and relate to as well. That class is going to be FUN! I'm totally excited. When he called my name on the role... he just gave me this weird stare. I expected him to say something about Austin (since that's what all my teachers do), but instead he looked at me and said, "My sister has a cat named Molly. So, I'm just associating you with her cat." Uhhh.... great? haha

Second Period: US History
Boring. Mr. Johnson is an... interesting... teacher. I honestly don't care for him. He's one of the athletic directors at the school. His entire life revolves around sports. And, you all know me, sports and Molly DO NOT mix. I enjoy playing them and watching my friends compete. But I don't keep up with who's moving on to the Super Bowl and who just won the world series and which team won 7 to 2 in last nights game. Doesn't interest me. And what's worse, the ENTIRE class is made out of sports players.... football, golf, basketball, cheer leading. They're all in there. And then there's me: the musical drama kid. I'm going to see if I can switch into Mr. Bailey's history class that period.

Third Period: Show Choir
That room is pretty much my second home. Must I say more? It's going to be a great year with all of my lovely choir kids. :) I'm so glad that I'm choir president. I got permission to paint a wall in the choir room, do weeks of fundraisers, decorate the board outside, and have bonding activities. I'm already getting compliments from Yount about my organization and how the council is moving much smoother. Yay! This is going to be a great year! :) And the musical next year will be even better! :)))

Fourth Period: Pre-Calculus
Well, I have Mr. Gala again. I thought that this year was going to be bad, but I thought wrong. I have my friend Justin in that class and he's hilarious. So, I'm set to go. Although, there are some other drama kids in there too... and they pretty much hate my guts. haha! Don't ask me why, cause I don't know. But I had to deal with their dirty looks and stuck up comments all day. That should be fun! haha I can deal with it. It's not like I have to talk to them anyways.

Lunch: Short...
Lunch was so quiet! I walked in expecting Taylor, Quiana, Chelsea, Steve, and Eddie to be there... But they weren't. They're gone now. Graduated. :( So, I sat down with the rest of my friends and had a quiet lunch. Nothing exciting happened then...

Fifth Period: Intermediate Drama
Interesting. Very interesting. Drama is going to be so much fun. I've never met such an excited, upbeat, welcoming group of kids. They're all pretty much the coolest thing since sliced bread. And there was another MOLLY!!! I was shocked!!! Christian and Aaron Z. laughed at the expression on my face when her name was called for attendance. Amazement... The children's show is going to be amazing. Probably the highlight of that class. We'll be learning more about monologues and learning about how to wear stage makeup. I'm so pumped!!!

Sixth Period: AP Music Theory
Haha. Oh yes, this class should be fun. I already got in trouble today... I had to be separated from Tanner and Brad. Yeah, I'm such a trouble maker. I swear I wasn't talking though! It was NOT me! That class is going to take some serious work though... Lots of studying and practicing. It won't be easy. But I hope that it will be worth it. There are 11 of us in the class. I was mind blown at how smart all of these kids were. It's going to take a lot of work to keep up... But I believe I can do it! :D

After School: Lonely...
Normally I would go to the blackbox after school to see everyone. And normally I would walk with Austin out to the car to go home. But, today, I was all by myself. Lonely! It'll be like this for the rest of the year. I guess I don't have to wait on Austin if I want to go home ASAP though. And I can stay as long as I want (within reason) if I want to talk to people. That'll be nice.

But, I need some advice... And I'll try and be as discrete as possible but that's going to be hard. I just won't name the people... I had a conversation with a guy the other day that I was NOT expecting.
So, I like this guy a lot. And when he talked to me the other day, he said he likes me too. He said that he would love to go out with me, but he doesn't want to ruin anything between us. His last relationship didn't go how he thought it would. Kinda confused me...
Dating that girl wasn't good for him. But he reflects that experience to how it would be for US. He thinks that he would ruin things between us too. But, as I watched their relationship, he didn't do anything wrong. You can tell that he tries to avoid me at times... That he doesn't want to make conversation, or hug me, or help me with tasks. Because he doesn't want to ruin things. I don't think it would ruin anything! In fact, by him avoiding me, he's ruining it. And I'm NOTHING like the girl he dated before. The other girl wasn't even a member of the church (that's a big difference) and she wanted him to be with her ALL THE TIME. Things with me would not go the same way. At all.
Should I just sit back and let him figure this out by himself? Should I say something? I wish I could just not care about this... but I like him to much for me not to care. He's a big part of my life. Advice???