Thoughts...

I have a lot on my mind... But I'm not sure what I'm thinking. My mind's just... heavy? fuzzy? distracted? How am I supposed to unload it all if I don't even know what's going on in there? Maybe elves have taken over my brain and are- no. Let's not go into theories. Let's just accept that fact that my mind works in mysterious ways.

I have a feeling I'm going to be, or supposed to be, figuring something out about myself... Have you ever had that feeling? Like something is going to happen (not necessarily bad) but something that will make you think. Something that's going to help you see yourself better. Help you to know more about yourself. I don't know, maybe I'm crazy. Maybe I'm just having a headache and thinking about it a little too much. But you can never be to sure.

So much has happened this past month. I have my wonderful boyfriend and everything with him is just great. But at the same time, I've been arguing with my best friend about random nonsense that shouldn't mean anything. It could just be my girly mood swings getting to me.... But I don't know. People tell me that when you get into a relationship, things change. Your friendships. Your relationships with family. Your schoolwork. Everything. I refused to believe it at first, but now, I think I see where they were coming from. But, I don't feel like it's a bad change. It's a realistic change. One that might be needed. I don't think I'll really know until later. But, as of right now, I'm liking it....

I find that other people's relationship "drama" used to be interesting to me. I wanted to help them, hear their stories, soak in the emotion. But now that I'm in my own relationship, I hate to say it, but I don't want to hear about everyone else. I know, I know. That sounds really conceited. But now I have my OWN relationship to worry about. Not that there's anything to worry about at this point. I guess I don't really know what it is. I... I just don't want to hear about everybody else. This is a new experience for me. And so far it's been a wonderful one. It will definitely be a journey.

Maybe school is on my mind? But I don't think that's it. School isn't really ever on my mind. Especially while I'm on break. It's normally swept to the side and hidden underneath the carpet.

Although, this past week has been filled with thinking. And thinking about the future. College. Life. Marriage. Family. Friends. Mission. Church. Purpose. Career. There's so much to think about. I'm becoming a senior next year, and after that, college. I'm not ready! I don't even know what I want to major in or what I want to do with my life. I wish there was an easy button for all of this. I need a job and money. It's not going to pay for itself. I know it seems like it's far away... but I need to start preparing now.

I'm not exactly sure what's going through my head. But if you ever see me and I'm sitting there quietly, there's nothing wrong. I promise. I'm just thinking. About everything. Maybe you should do the same.